I remember this old saying as I thought of some people I used to know.

“Don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future”

But thinking back to all of them, there’s a lot of people who have disappeared completely. I have vague memories of them showing moments that we shared a long time ago which reminded me of who they were, yet who they are now completely escapes me.

Then again, did I really remember those moments correctly? Did my memory stand the test of time or were some details fabricated to make up for what I forgot? Since I realized that much of the details (as I dug further back) became less apparent and more subtle, evasive even.

One of the oldest memories I had was of Preschool and being under the slide with some classmates as we huddled together in a group. Thinking back now, I don’t remember their names, their faces nor even the exact number of girls and guys that were under there. All I remember was that we were under the slide and we were huddled together playing “make-belief”.

So now in this present day, many years later, I assume that they didn’t make it to my future because I “remembered” them from my past and they’re not here.

But really, did I remember them? No.

If I had a photo of Preschool, could I pick them out?  No.

Clearly, I don’t remember them at all and I’m sure not many of us remember things that far back either. So then what’s to say that those people aren’t in my present or won’t be in my future?

I don’t even remember them and that opens up the possibility that they could be one of my friends now and I wouldn’t even know it.

Recently I picked up an old notebook sitting on my shelf. It’s original purpose was to hold my recollections of the previous night’s dreams but… just as quickly as the idea popped into my mind, so was the action of letting it collect dust. However, now I picked it up again but instead of recording the dreams I had in the past, it’s now for recording the dreams I have for the future.

What I want, where I want to go….. these are just the beginning but it’s nice to know where I’m headed.

Today had to be one of if not the most nerve-wracking day in a University student’s summer as it was time to register for courses. When this time rolls around, it’s a free-for-all as everyone is focused on getting THEIR schedules to work out perfectly whilst hoping to god (if you believe in him) that their courses will not be filled by the time they click “enroll”.

Luckily, I didn’t have to deal with worrying about my courses filling up but rather I had to deal with why I couldn’t register for them? 

I had the prerequisites, I’m in the right major and I didn’t have any conflicts in my schedule but then why did the system not allow me to register?…

Well that’s when the Enrollment Advisor told me that it’s because I had two Anti-requisites under my belt. Two classes that I took before I switched majors had made me unable to register……

…..Now isn’t that quite the blast from the past?

It’s interesting how when you don’t want to cross paths with someone again they just happen to appear in your life like a ghost. You don’t talk to them anymore and they don’t acknowledge your presence; you just walk past each other, calmly.

As they are nothing more than just a reminder.

You have no emotions attached to them, no happy feelings nor any sad ones that linger; you are indifferent to their existence. But what comes to mind is the defining moment that was shared, the memory which has now been scrubbed of subjectivity.

They’re not at fault completely and neither were you because both of you had your fair share of faults. In the end though, it wasn’t because you couldn’t find perfection in them but rather you couldn’t find a place for them and the values which contradicted yours.

So I left.

And now even though we’ve crossed paths again, that’s all it is, crossing paths.

We head in opposite directions, we walk further away from each other as we have our own lives and we’ll continue walking, walking away…. from the ghost of our past.

Drugs, Smoking, Drinking and past memories; they’re all the same, they can kill you from the inside.

Past memories burned into your mind can remind you of your least proudest moments by letting you play them over and over again, wrecking yourself through thoughts of “Oh I should have said this” or “I should have done that”. 

Reliving those past memories day in and day out is a trap, yet before you know it you’ve now become addicted. Once you’re addicted it’s hard to stop as you can go through a withdrawal very easily without your daily fix; this withdrawal is a feeling called Regret.

Like with drinking, drugs etc. You soak in the “wonderful” feeling it can bring but at the same time you also absorb the poisons that slowly kill you.

The answer to ridding addiction is simple; either stop it before it begins or pull through the withdrawal.

Ironically enough though, it’s the simplest things that can become the most complicated.

Like Love.

Walking through Crossiron mills today I couldn’t help but notice the crowds of junior high and high school kids. Just seeing them pass by brought back a nostalgic feeling; it feels just like yesterday that I was with my friends going boxing day shopping for the first time.

However, that time has past. I’m not as young as them anymore but I’m not as old as the adults either; I’m stuck in the middle, in the present with my friends.

Where we are, we see the reminders of our past and hints of our futures while we possess the best of both worlds; the freedoms of an adult matched with the immaturities of a child.

We are in the Present.

Now I’d be lying if I said I never thought about this once in my life because I have.

It was a long time ago when I was much younger…. it’s been so long though that the details of why I thought about it has long gone but I do remember the general idea.

It was due to a sense of Loneliness.

But then everything changed one day…. not instantly but through time.

As rather than sulking in a corner, I reached out, further and further each day until those feelings no longer had a hold on me.

I believed that things will get better even if it was going to take some time and as a result I could leave those feelings where they belonged.

In My Past.

As long as you’re alive, you can find a solution to what’s troubling you, so reach out and find it.

Every asshole has a story and a reason as to why they became that way.

They were born a blank slate to begin with but then became an asshole for a reason.

Still, you quickly disregard them and move on to the next person that isn’t an asshole towards you.

Realize though that you don’t know what’s going on through their mind when they acted like an asshole, you don’t know why they were like this in the first place, you only know your own thoughts and feelings.

Yet it doesn’t matter because you can move on whilst thinking that person is an asshole right?

But by doing this, aren’t you an asshole as well?

Just a thought.