I remember this old saying as I thought of some people I used to know.

“Don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future”

But thinking back to all of them, there’s a lot of people who have disappeared completely. I have vague memories of them showing moments that we shared a long time ago which reminded me of who they were, yet who they are now completely escapes me.

Then again, did I really remember those moments correctly? Did my memory stand the test of time or were some details fabricated to make up for what I forgot? Since I realized that much of the details (as I dug further back) became less apparent and more subtle, evasive even.

One of the oldest memories I had was of Preschool and being under the slide with some classmates as we huddled together in a group. Thinking back now, I don’t remember their names, their faces nor even the exact number of girls and guys that were under there. All I remember was that we were under the slide and we were huddled together playing “make-belief”.

So now in this present day, many years later, I assume that they didn’t make it to my future because I “remembered” them from my past and they’re not here.

But really, did I remember them? No.

If I had a photo of Preschool, could I pick them out?  No.

Clearly, I don’t remember them at all and I’m sure not many of us remember things that far back either. So then what’s to say that those people aren’t in my present or won’t be in my future?

I don’t even remember them and that opens up the possibility that they could be one of my friends now and I wouldn’t even know it.

We’re our worst nightmare; we have the potential to become a relentless torturer of ourselves. When something negative has happened to us, we can easily bring it back up in an instant and remember all the details of the event. But rarely does this bring about any new awareness as its sole purpose is just to torture your very being.

Even when we are perfectly fine; when there is nothing wrong with our lives and only the good can be seen, we may have instances of negativity spring up for no apparent reason….

No, there is a reason. It’s because we might’ve held a piece of negativity in our hearts and we’ve grown so accustomed to it that the feeling of “being happy” is foreign. As such, we could find the smallest things to be unhappy about just so we get away from that which feels “different” and good.

Ridiculous what we’ll do to stay in our “comfort” zones huh?

I love keeping a journal because not only do I enjoy writing but I also enjoy looking back at the positive memories I’ve experienced. Aside from looking at how there’s a lot of things I should be happy about, it also serves to remind me about what has actually happened in the past.

You see, not everyone has perfect memory; we remember the big idea of what happened but very rarely are we able to recall the fine details that decided whether or not a memory was good or bad. So when I believe I’ve remembered something wrong or have second thoughts about what I experienced, I refer back to my journal and read what I recorded on that particular day.

Rereading those words and recalling those feelings helps me reinforce what has actually happened so that my mind doesn’t wander off and create “imaginative” yet “destructive” versions of valuable memories.  Our memories should help us, not destroy us.

Drugs, Smoking, Drinking and past memories; they’re all the same, they can kill you from the inside.

Past memories burned into your mind can remind you of your least proudest moments by letting you play them over and over again, wrecking yourself through thoughts of “Oh I should have said this” or “I should have done that”. 

Reliving those past memories day in and day out is a trap, yet before you know it you’ve now become addicted. Once you’re addicted it’s hard to stop as you can go through a withdrawal very easily without your daily fix; this withdrawal is a feeling called Regret.

Like with drinking, drugs etc. You soak in the “wonderful” feeling it can bring but at the same time you also absorb the poisons that slowly kill you.

The answer to ridding addiction is simple; either stop it before it begins or pull through the withdrawal.

Ironically enough though, it’s the simplest things that can become the most complicated.

Like Love.

When you bury a body within a casket and then encase it with cement, you do so to preserve the body of the said person as well as all the memories they are tied to.

As such, memories, while they let us remember the dead are in fact just like the dead themselves; they’ve already passed and are no longer here.

They were the life changing moments that have led us to where we are just like the people we who have played roles in our lives leading us to where we are; so we want to never forget them thus we try our best to preserve them.

Anything buried in the Earth gets layered over by dirt just as anything buried in your mind is layered over by thoughts/memories. If they (as in the bodies or memories) are buried in this way, then we will eventually lose the impact they once had when they decompose.

So we avoid it.

Avoid it through preservation by encasing them under cement, that way no matter how much Earth is is piled on top, no matter how many thoughts fly through your mind you will never forget what should always be remembered.

The memories and/of the people who had significance in your life.

Memories and Experiences; once they enter your mind, its very hard to get rid of them completely. The more you try to delete them, the more they take over your mind; the only thing you can do is bury them under other memories and experiences.

Because my dad could only eat this before his check up.

How long has it been since I’ve eaten this at home?

At least 5 years, man this brings back the childhood =D

As of today I can finally live in rest of the two third’s of my house of which has been sealed off for the past week.

It’s funny though that I never really appreciated all the space and convenience of the house as much as I should have. So when it got sealed off and I was forced to live in a smaller area, it made me remember what I had before…

Made me remember how I had taken it for granted.

Thankfully though this separation was only temporary as I didn’t really lose 2/3’s of my living space permanently; I was just separated from it for a period of time.

But a break like this is needed once in awhile if you start to feel that you’re falling out of love for something; like a song or an activity as you’ve basically plateaued your love for it.

The worst thing that can happen is that you begin to take it for granted which can happen when you are exposed to it a lot.

Too much of anything is no good.

Take a break and then get back into it.

Even though, I may have 20/20 vision and you may be wearing glasses; we can both see the world around us, yet ironically we often can’t see what we have in front of us until we are reminded by someone other than ourselves.

Such as the death of a family member or the dissolution of a relationship. We don’t realize what the relationship we had with that person was like until they finally leave, and when they leave we are smacked in the face by the memories of them reminding us that we had our chance to make things better but now it’s gone.

But then again this applies with anything else really, like in my previous post, I didn’t realize that clothing was a big part of my life until my mother reminded me. I wear these clothes everyday but yet I couldn’t realize what I actually had until I was reminded of it by someone else. When I was reminded, I could finally begin to appreciate the clothes even more.

So whether we like it our not, having people around will help in reminding us of what is important in our lives, especially when we steer away from the path.

A few of you may have noticed that tumblr has been going a bit crazy today and often loads up the dreaded “Error” page but at one time it also did something very strange, it was like tumblr gave us a glimpse of our past on tumblr. It was a strange moment because as I checked my dashboard and looked at my follower counts, liked posts, posts etc. They all dramatically decreased to what they were a few days ago. This reminded me of how once in awhile, I would get a sudden flashback about a point in time back in the past due to a certain event. Tumblr glitching up was the event that gave me a glimpse of what my tumblr used to be like and made me realize that I also wouldn’t have appreciated it as much as I do now at this moment, I wouldn’t have appreciated how far I’ve gone since then.

We can’t remember everything that we’ve done, we just weren’t born that way that’s why we are able to forget most things to make room for the new memories
and experiences that we will encounter in the future.

As a result of this, try thinking to yourself about What you did a week ago today.

Do you remember what your outfit was?

What socks did you wear? Which shirt did you wear?

Do you remember the details of what you did? What conversations you had? Who you met?

If you’re struggling a bit, that’s normal because people do forget these details. They also forget details of themselves, how they’ve changed in terms of their perspectives, beliefs, values etc. Because these details often Overwrite each other; for example, you wouldn’t really think about what you wore to work a few days ago today because that was a few days ago, those clothes are dirty now and you’re going to wear a cleaner outfit anyways. These details are also often overwritten by the bigger picture such as if you were socially awkward before but are now more extroverted, you would remember being socially awkward but you wouldn’t remember all the details on how you got to where you are now.

Due to forgetting the details, we can start to believe that we actually haven’t changed THAT much from our past but really we have, we just don’t remember.

I remember though, to a certain extent, because I want to; I want to see how I’ve grown as a person when I look back at it in the future. So ever since I was little
I wrote in a journal about what went on during the day and recorded the details down. Yet it did get to a point where I went on a hiatus for a few years before going back to it, I wish I hadn’t done that because I’m very interested in reading about those years when I was still in the preteen phase, unfortunately I only have pictures and nothing more.

Do I regret this though?

No because this taught me to keep writing in the journal so that I would never have to wonder about what I did in a certan span of time again.

Reading your journal and looking back on your life is basically reading your life story, where you get to see your own character developement, all the hardships you had to go through and how you triumphed over them and experience any feelings described to the fullest extent because you’ve felt them before.

This story is one of its kind, there are no others like it in this world as it is unique, it is a personalized story, it is your life story. So don’t wait for a flashback to appear, write your own story, that way you can always have a flashback when you want and where you want.

I’ve got my pen and paper.

Now let’s keep on writing.

For anything that we want to achieve in our own lives we always have to work on it daily, we have to cultivate it daily.

Cultivate - to promote or improve the growth of (plant, crops etc.) by labor and attention.

We’re like the farmers of our own lives

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